She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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