my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
