You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
