No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
