Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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