Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
