I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
