haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We have started to decorate penises.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
