Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
