Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we're making bets on your personal life
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
