dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
