guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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