there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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