I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
