he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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