Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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