My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
