You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
