U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
