This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
