Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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