I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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