I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
