a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
