how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
