next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize