she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wish there were birth control emojis
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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