Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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