i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
