so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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