Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
