Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
