On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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