well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize