Sponge bath it is.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
