It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
