you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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