Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
