Already got asked if we're dating
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
