Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize