I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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