Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
