I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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