I can't breathe out the right side of my face
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize