Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
