just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
