you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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