is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
