You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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