well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
