it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
