At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
