When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
