I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
