I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
