Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just invented taco cereal.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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