today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dicks are not precious.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
