It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
