I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
