Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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