I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize