Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
