I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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