I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
