Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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