I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
