you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
